I received this letter today for my Dear Della page.
Deer Dela,
I have wrote a book and going too sellfpublish it but my friedn Kimberley says what are them colored skwiggly lines under al the wrods and i dont now but do you now if the swiggles will com out in the book wehn i done it pleaase.
sellfpublsihed arthor of IT WERE MY LIFE?
OK, so I know it was a spoof, but it did make me smile, and as I can’t use it for my actual Dear Della column in Writers’ Forum, I thought I would print it here. It came from an author and reviewer friend of mine who has read so many badly produced self published books lately, she feels like throwing her hands up in despair.
Not of course that any of us would do that, would we? Excuse me, I just have to rush off and check my latest proof copy for my publisher 🙂
Now I have your attention, I am, of course, talking about my How to Write Erotica Course at Swanwick Writers Summer School – as opposed to any actual erotica taking place at Swanwick, which naturally I’m not aware of, and if I was my lips would be sealed!
Everyone thinks writing erotica is quite a serious subject – and indeed I can’t entirely disagree – but learning how to write erotica is about as far away as you can get from serious. I have never seen so many women (and a handful of men) laugh so much in my life. Martin – you were an absolute star. I will never see you in quite the same way again.
My students did actually learn some things too about the art of writing erotica, I hope! Many of them left saying the course was an eye opener. It certainly was for me – I just couldn’t believe what filthy minds you all have. Tush! Whereas my mind, of course, is as pure as a fresh fall of snow 🙂
Anyway, I thought I would share a few of the main points here now. For anyone who is interested.
The biggest mistake writers new to erotica make is to think the story isn’t important. It is. Obviously there should be sex – this is after all, erotica, but there must be a story too. Lack of a story is one of the main reasons we reject submissions at Xcite Books.
Another common reason for rejection is because it’s obvious that the writer has simply added a sex scene to an otherwise non-sexy story. There must be sexual tension throughout.
Do use inventive settings. Your characters do not always have to be in a bed – or even indoors. A different setting – for a good reason, of course – can mean the difference between a rejection and a sale.
Do use humour, it can work extremely well in erotica, which can sometimes be too intense – or just plain silly without it.
Do build your characters. They are the ones ‘performing’ so to speak. They should be vivid and real.
Don’ts
Don’t generalise or use clichés. Be specific.
Don’t get carried away with adjectives. Clumsy overwritten description doesn’t work in erotica any more than it works in any other writing.
I am running this course again on Saturday 10 November, 2012, in Bournemouth. It runs from 10.00 am till 4.00 pm. And there will be a chance to bring along your own erotic scene for feedback – if you are brave enough. Cost is £35. Please email me if you’d like further details.
And while I’m on the subject of brilliant writing conferences, here is another one. Swanwick Writers’ is in Derbyshire in beautiful surroundings. And if you fancy a week getting totally inspired and motivated and learning loads, not to mention partying every night, this is a great one to do.
The food isn’t quite as awesome as Caerleon’s, but the accommodation is excellent and the courses are excellent too. Very good value again – prices start at £390 which is an all inclusive price.
This year’s speakers include: Helen Lederer and David Nobbs
This year’s courses include Truth is Stranger than… by Jane Wenham Jones
and E-publishing by Peter Jones – could they be related??
Also, I’m doing a short course called, ‘Writing erotica’ which should be fun!
It’s not too late to book, but you’ll need to be quick. Bookings close 6 August.
I am a best selling writer. And so is Lynn Hackles. Here is the picture of us recording these words on film.
Lynne Hackles and I saying we are best selling writers!
No, we have not gone mad. No, we have not just hit the best seller lists. And no I am not pregnant – just forgot to hold my stomach in! We were both attending a brilliant course at Caerleon Writers Holiday in Wales, run by a lady called Solange Hando called Make It Happen In 2012. The course was about motivation and one of the exercises she asked us to do was to state out loud what we wanted to become, as if it was happening now. You wouldn’t believe how motivating this was. Try it and see. And let me know how you got on.
Solange’s other tips included making an Olympic style chart listing five things we wanted to achieve and pinning it over your desk where you can see it every day and brainwash your subconscious into making it reality. Another creative visualisation task, which is very effective. Here is mine:
Another of Solange’s tips was to publicly state your goals. It’s a lot harder to renege on goals that you have publicly declared you will do. So, I have just done this too – to you all. (That’s if you can read it!) But I know what it means, which is the main thing. Please feel free to nag me at intervals. And if you would like me to nag you too. Let me know.
The whole course was a delight. In fact, Caerleon was a delight. The atmosphere was amazing. Anne and Gerry Hobbs are wonderful hosts. Being among a hundred plus writers for a week was incredibly inspiring. The food was awesome. I am heavier and happier for having spent a week at Caerleon, which is an annual writers’ holiday.http://www.writersholiday.net/caerleon.htm
Next year’s holiday is already in my diary. It will take place at Caerleon on 28 July to 2 August 2013 and will include the following courses:
A Complete Introduction to Contemporary Romance – Kate Walker
Creative Non Fiction – Adding Colour to Technical Writing – Simon Whaley
Wannabe A Writer We’ve Heard of – Jane Wenham Jones
How To Write and Sell Erotic Fiction – Della Galton
And there are others too. I really recommend this, all for a price of £499
Yesterday, something rather sad happened. I was on my way to teach my class when I came across five men who were trying to ‘persuade’ a young horse to pull a trap. This was on a busy road with traffic coming both ways so I stopped. One man was at the front, pulling as hard as he could. The others were behind the horse, slapping, shouting, flicking a whip. They were not being gentle. The horse was clearly terrified.
I have come across this situation once before. Last time I was on a heathland walking my dog. Last time I asked the men to stop what they were doing. Last time I got into a row with them. This did not help. It certainly did not help the horse. It made them angrier. It severely traumatised me.
Yesterday, faced with a very similar situation, I ached to get out and tell them, ‘this is not the way. Terrifying the horse won’t help.’ But I knew they were unlikely to listen. They didn’t strike me as the ‘listening’ kind. By now, I was holding up the traffic. One of the men waved me past. I agonised with myself. I thought of that quote, ‘all it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing’.
But there I was – about to do nothing.
Five minutes later at my class, by now quite upset, I phoned a dear friend. He suggested I might call the RSPCA – or perhaps the police. Was beating up a horse a crime? Were they beating it up? No – not really – although I did wonder what they would do in private – if they were prepared to do so much in public.
Would calling the RSPCA or the police help the horse? In my experience, this was unlikely. Perhaps the authorities would respond – perhaps the men would be angry, perhaps their anger would turn in on the horse. perhaps it would make things worse. I hate feeling helpless. So what should I do?
I believe in karma. I believe that doing something good has to help. And it seemed to me that the best thing I could do would be to help another horse. So this is what I’m doing. I have just sponsored a horse called Gulliver at Redwings Horse Sanctuary. Gulliver looks a bit like that horse last night.
Here is their link. Just in case you want to check out what Gulliver looks like – or maybe even sponsor your own horse.
A little while ago I ran a course on How to Write Flash Fiction. Here are some of the things I’ve learned about Flash Fiction in case anyone else finds them helpful.
They also apply to short stories.
The opening sentence is the first thing a competition judge sees. If it doesn’t grab their attention they may not read any further. It must be good, especially in very short fiction.
Hooking your reader
Set up a question in the reader’s mind. One way of doing this is to begin with your character in an intriguing situation so that the reader will want to read on to find out what happens next. Starting with a controversial sentence also works very well.
Throw the reader straight into the action by starting with a piece of dialogue. Overheard conversations are always fascinating.
Introduce at least one character. Readers want to read about characters, not long pieces of description.
There is not much time for scene-setting. But that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be there. Thread it in with the action.
As with any short story use a style appropriate for what you are writing. Short sentences build tension. Think pace. You don’t have time to waffle.
Things to avoid doing
Don’t introduce too many characters. Focus on one or two (maximum) until the reader is sufficiently interested in them to want to carry on reading.
Don’t give too much information too soon. Too much information can make the narrative very dense and difficult to read.
It’s probably best to stick to one viewpoint, or use a narrative style. More than one viewpoint is hard to pull off in a very short piece.
Finally
Once you have finished the story, re-read the first sentence in isolation and ask yourself if it’s intriguing enough to make someone else want to read on. If possible, read it to a writer friend and ask them. If necessary, rewrite it.
Lessons in Love - Daily Della #1. And right now it's FREE
I have finally caught up with the technological age and had a bright idea. Well, it does occasionally happen! That comment was directed at my mum, by the way, who is shaking her head in disbelief.
I have persuaded a publisher to publish some of my back list of short stories.
We were talking about the fleetingness of beautiful things, were we not? And short stories are like that, aren’t they? All that hard work – craft and graft – I think short stories are a mixture of the two – and then they are published in a magazine (if you are lucky) for a week. And then they are gone for ever.
I have written novels and serials and full length non fiction. Like many of us I have had hundreds of thousands of words published, but I am aware that some of my very best writing is in my short stories. Some of the issues I feel passionately about are in my short stories, some of my best characters, my most profound emotions are in my short stories – and there are some pretty hot men in the romances too! And it seems such a shame that their life span is a week.
Well, now it isn’t. I have chosen some of my favourite stories from the last twenty five years and the first two issues have just been launched by SoundHaven.com. What’s more, if you’re really really quick, you can download ‘Lessons In Love‘, the first in the series, for absolutely nothing.
The first two issues of Daily Della feature romances. They are a mixture of tender, funny, romantic and poignant, and they all have rather hunky heroes. If I say so myself! You can’t have a romance without a hot man!
I’ve called them Daily Della because there are five short stories in each, ranging in length from 1500 to 4000 words – one for every day of the week.
So I am proud to present them – and I hope you will enjoy reading them as much as I have enjoyed bringing them out for their second chance at fame.
This is a picture of my amaryllis – or to be more accurate, Adam’s amaryllis, which is in our kitchen. It flowers twice a year if I’m lucky. The flowers last for about a week. And then they die. Isn’t it stunning?
My Amaryllis
And isn’t it sad that it is so fleeting.
And it got me to thinking about other fleeting and beautiful things. Like sand sculptures that will be washed away by the next tide.
And what a good emotion that is – that beauty that you cannot keep – for writing a short story.
As fleeting as a short story itself, maybe!
So I wrote one. I wonder if anyone will buy it. And what are the fleetingly beautiful things that stir other writers to create?
Today I had my first ever Boxing Day – obviously, I am not talking about the ones you get every year on the 26 December, but the extra ones you can have – you didn’t know about those? Well, I’m guessing you haven’t read, How To Do Everything And Be Happy by my friend and fellow author, Peter Jones, who suggests you simply schedule them in to your diary, as and when!
The rules are – as I understand them – that you must not plan what you are going to do; you simply get up and do whatever you fancy. I’ve been feeling somewhat jaded lately and a day of doing whatever I fancied seemed like a mighty fine idea.
So here’s how my Boxing Day went.
Got up late (7.45 a.m.) which meant I had to listen to a rendition of the Hound Dog’s song, he’s the Irish Wolfhound, with a few barks thrown in. Ah well, everything has its price.
8.00 a.m.
Decided to take the hounds to the bluebell woods near me – where I don’t usually have time to go and it was utterly gorgeous. We were out for more than an hour and we saw a deer (Maggie chased it) and a man with an Australian Huntaway hound which is apparently a cross between a Labrador, a Border Collie and a German Shepherd.
Maggie May in the bluebell wood!
9.30
Caught up with the 70 or so emails I had in my inbox. Not sure this was not strictly what I fancied doing but I get stressed if I don’t do it.
10.30
Decided to write some of the novel I started last year. You may remember I went off to a writing retreat cottage back in September and I have done very little of it since. Well, I’m up to 22k, which isn’t too bad, I guess. But not too good either. Unfortunately I decided it was all rubbish and ended up cutting out great swathes – and henceforth ended up with even fewer words. However, in the cutting I also discovered that a character who had been a bit flat, suddenly sprung to life. So all was not lost. And I am inspired to continue.
Lunchtime
Had Easter Egg for lunch. Which was definitely very yummy. Especially as it was not mine, but stolen from my husband’s secret (he thinks) stash. I meant to photograph this, but I’d eaten it before I remembered. (It was a cream egg one if you’re interested!)
Afternoon
Got depressed with disappearing novel, so decided to work. Work is allowed on a Boxing Day as long as it’s what you really want to do. Registers and lesson plans for my creative writing classes weren’t strictly what I wanted to do – but it was quite satisfying to do them.
Later afternoon
Suddenly remembered the deadline for my Agony Aunt page was tomorrow – and it wasn’t quite edited. So decided to rectify that, too.
Evening
Still working – this Boxing Day is turning out much like any other day, oh dear!
Conclusion
I don’t think I have quite mastered the art of having a Boxing Day. Although, I have to say, I had some very good Boxing Day moments. The bluebell woods and the Easter egg being highlights!
I obviously need more practice. So am scheduling another one in very soon!
I’m running a day course on writing flash fiction soon, Saturday 28 April in Bournemouth if you’re interested! There are more and more competitions and markets for it – so what is it exactly?
This is harder to define than you might think. Some people define it as anything less than 1000 words, but I don’t agree that 999 words is flash fiction – not in today’s market anyway. 1000 words – is loads!!!
My instincts tell me it’s fiction of less than 500 words – or is it 250? The Bridport competition has a flash fiction category of this length.
I used to belong to the Bournemouth Writers’ Circle and they ran a competition every month called the Have A Go competition. It had different themes and the max length was 250 words. What a brilliant, brilliant training ground this was.
Or perhaps flash fiction is less than 100 words – there are competitions for this length too – or maybe even 60 words. Both Woman’s Weekly and Chat magazine used to publish 60 word stories. Then there are the 6 word stories. The most famous being Hemmingway’s, ‘for sale, baby shoes, never worn.’ That always sends a shiver down my spine!
Personally I’ve always thought that the very short fiction 100 words or less is micro fiction.
But, enough of my pondering on length. Regardless of number of words, what Flash Fiction should be is a complete, stand-alone story, just like its elder brothers and sisters. It shouldn’t be an extract. It should have a beginning, middle and end.
I think that twists work well for flash fiction and I also think powerful stories work well. It’s very hard to write ‘light’ flash fiction and get it to work.
I also think it’s immensely good fun to write to short lengths. And there are lots of markets for it these days too.
More on flash fiction coming soon. And if you would like to spend a day focusing on this length and hopefully go away with a story written, then don’t forget my course in Bournemouth on Sat 28 April!
